Feelings.

After a few years of frustrated and disappointing attempts on having a relationship, my last one was quite unamusing.

I guess that both sides want something from each other, which is totally fine, right? I mean some want a bit more love, others a bit more camaraderie, while some might prefer to spice things things up a bit. That's part of what makes a relationship something good, or bad.

Those are traits that enable someone to experience the full package of what having someone actually means, but what if I'm enclosed in my protection bubble and I'm unable to open up to my beloved one? You see, that's my problem right now!

I've been struggling about letting other people get close enough to me, because I am afraid I might hurt them, or myself for all that's good! So much that I've actually been talking to way too many people at the same time, and I think it's fine. The problem is, how am I supposed to "choose" or better yet, am I supposed to choose?

Something that's been bothering me is the strong and reckless classification that people are doing to relationships, and I'm not being specific about affectionate relationship like a romance, but also for friendship. Why must I have only 1 best friend? Why is it so daring to stray from that?

Is it wrong that I am feeling passion or perhaps love, for multiple people?

Do I really have to commit to only one person when so many actually attract me and make me happy?

These are a few questions I ask myself every day!

Have you changed, yet?

It's no surprise that people are getting mad at all the stuff that's going on on right now... Well it basically means that everything's going to change now or later.

Say what you want, but most of us don't know exactly what is changing; actually, we don't even see the changes happening around us or with us.

Take public transportation for instance. Have you noticed how you've been more careful about where you sit and with whom you do so?

Or maybe your job or school. What could actually make it possible for an entire society to change their habits all of a sudden if not one of the most globalised pandemics of all time?

Now pause for a second, did you read that? "The most globalised pandemics of all time"

It just sounds as unreal as it actually is real, as if we're living inside a movie script, though it seems like we never reach the climax of it.

At the begining of the year (or perhaps the end of the previous year), no one really expected this to happen, we knew it would. However, we didn't expect this much, the world has been taken by a storm of communal paranoia on a virus that has been around for ages!

What HAS changed since then?

As aforementioned, our daily lives have changed altogether into a way of living we had never done before, social distancing was shocking and depressing*, the measure was deemed mandatory to refrain people from contacting one another. I was particularly affected by this, as I'm quite the speaker myself... With that said, in writing I found comfort and a place like this allows me to "throw out" my thoughts and I have lots of them, if I do say so myself.

Be sure to check out my newer posts, I'll try to update this place weekly or daily...

*Specially for folks in Brazil, socializing is perhaps one of their biggest trait.